Having two children on the spectrum can be tough when it comes to holidays, and every time you think you have prepared yourself for everything you get proven wrong. Obviously the key to make things go as smooth as possible is to plan ahead. One would think that having a nine and eight year old would be pretty straight forward when it comes to a holiday but when it comes to autistic kids you would be wrong. I can tell you first hand it is tough and stressful to say the least. If you add to the mix that one child is in residential treatment it really gets complicated.
The first choice you have to make is if you are staying home, or are you going to go to a friend or relatives house. For most people this might sound simple but believe me it isn’t. What you have to remember here is that autistic children thrive on routine and do not like disruption, nor do they tolerate it well. Just think about that for a second because that is the gist of the problem. Going to someone else’s house is going to take the child right out of their comfort zone, and that is where the trouble begins. Those of you with HFA children, and for those who do not know the term that is high functioning autistic, you might just think well I will explain the situation ahead of time and keep reminding the child and that should do the trick. Guess what, just as a person with NT children does not know what it is like to deal with an HFA child, the same can be said for a person with an HFA child and them not knowing what it is like to have a severely autistic child. A severely autistic child is far less tolerant and oftentimes does not have the comprehension or communication skills for you to prepare them or explain things to them. On top of that try having two children and having them be one of each, that is just plain outright confusion. The other problem here is that the friend or relative wants you to be there and thinks everything is going to be ok and that everyone is going to have a good time. While I applaud them for there invite and the fact that they are going to bring a hurricane into their home sometimes you are just better off staying home and celebrating at home, just so you can control the chaos.
Here is the deal with these situations that people need to understand. We as parents of ASD children get stressed, tired, and outright exhausted because we are on duty 24/7 and we cannot rest knowing our children are acting out, feeling uncomfortable or scared. When you have a severely autistic child you literally cannot turn your head or walk out of the room sometimes because the child is going to do something you do not want them to, like take off their cloths and smear poop around the room, or pick up a marker your other child was not careful with and draw on you flat screen or rug. There can also be the pulling pictures off the wall, pulling the DVD player down or throwing the floor lamp. Oh you thought your children were done doing that at three, guess again not an autistic child they can do these things into their teens. Are we getting the picture here as to why we would want to just stay home?
So we have now decided to brave the world of travel and visitation, should be pretty easy right just set a time to leave and get ready and go. Sounds like a nice and easy but truth be told that is a fairy tail. First you need to pack for what one would normally consider a weekend trip because you are going to need multiple changes in cloths, a bunch of the favorite toys, and all the foods that your children will actually eat. That’s right the children are not going to eat what was cooked at the place you are going they only want their food, and they are not going to play with the few toys available they have to have their own. Don’t forget the DVDs and snacks for the road trip because they are not going to sit and be patient on the drive you have to entertain them. Now by the time you get to your destination the vehicle and the children are both going to be a mess so you will have to change them and do a quick cleaning before going inside. Plan on making about four trips back and fourth to the vehicle to bring in all the stuff you brought because you are not just walking in that easy.
Now we are in the house so we can just set the children up, grab a beer and just watch the game with the other guys or sit to talk with the ladies right, oh no you would be dead wrong, you are on duty remember. At this point one of the children is already wreaking havoc or is crying because they do not want to be there, because this is different from their routine. Maybe they are grabbing at things around the house because this house is not autistic proof like home, so you are running around keeping them from breaking anything. The children could be chasing the animals of the house around or even better grabbing at things on the hot stove, hey how is that beer tasting, and how does it feel to sit back and relax, yeah right. All the while you know the clock is ticking and a meltdown or tantrum could be on its way at anytime. Now doesn’t this sound like a fun and relaxing holiday to you. Now I understand there are two parents here but both of you are stressed so even if you are not directly taking care of the children you are so amped up you cannot relax so you might as well help out and do something.
Oh look at the time it is a few hours later and the children are climbing the walls it is time to leave. At this point the best thing to do is to have one person get the children ready and the other pack the vehicle so you can just bring the children out and leave like a bat out of hell. It is time for our quick goodbyes and to get back on the road before the meltdowns start. Once back home it is one parent taking the children in and the other unloading and cleaning the vehicle. You do realize the children are a mess and have to be showered so that is a routine all on is own let me tell you. Now you have to clean the house because you were in such a rush to leave you thought to yourself I will do it when we get back. Now you have to pay the uppercase because the children are all amped up and not anyway near tired so they are already running around getting into things.
After a little time has gone by they will eventually tire and go to bed, at this point you are spent and you say to yourself, I could have worked a double and not be this beat. Well you made it through another holiday you should be wide awake and ready to go to work the next morning and happy your holiday was so great. Oh sorry was that to sarcastic for you, welcome to the world of autism.
dualspectrumdad 
